"From when I was in kindergarten until sekolah menengah, I never associate myself with any male. Even when I entered university, I avoid having any contact with male students, especially the Malays. Now I'm already 24, my friends and families are worried that I will end up without a partner. Even my younger sibling had a boyfriend. It filled me with much pressure that I became stressed out and very sensitive. I don't even know where to start. Its stressing me out every time I think about marriage, up to the point where my father gave me until next year for me to at least engaged with someone. What should I do?"
Women like this are around us. You will find them associated more with females than males, or sometimes prefer to be alone because they are not used to talk to them. In other cases, they have the fear to communicate with the opposite gender.
They don't have any experience in a relationship, much so trying to find a partner. That is why it is hard for them if they ever wanted to settle down. They're not used to it.
Another factor is that a lady at 24 is the peak for them to get married in this modern era. This is due to the scientific research called the Sexual Market Value (SMV) where it shows that the peak for a women to be most attractive is between 19-26 while men around 35-42.
I am not going to be explaining about the SMV, instead I will advise you on what you should do in order to find a partner.
1) Set a target
It doesn't matter if you are a man or a women, you need to set up a target on when you wanted to get married. Next year, or two years later, whichever you feel is the right amount of time needed. If you are 24 now and you give yourself 2 years from now, make sure by 26 you already married (or getting married).
Even if at this moment, you don't have any partner you can trust, its okay. What's important is that you've already set up a goal. If you married far earlier than your goal date, that's better.
Whatever the case, you have to plan first. If you fail to plan, you are basically planning to fail. And thus, we leave the rest to Allah.
2) Befriend with them
If you are going to find a partner, it is best that you know them from the inside out.
"I'm not brave enough to strike a conversation"
You have to try to at least start a short conversation with them, or a gesture like smiling or nodding, or be on the same team during group assignment. Usually in a group assignment, you can easily distinguish between those who are reliable and those who aren't.
You're just be friends with them, but don't try to get into anything serious. Because for someone like you, if you had a crush on someone or fall in love with them, it is hard for you to forget and move on.
Therefore, befriend them. But don't steer into a relationship.
3) Filter your 'friends'
When you have befriend them, you will notice that each of them had a different habit. Some are good, some are not so good. Here, you need to be wise and think with logic, not your emotion.
Among all the male friend you have, pick the most trusted and reliable ones. The ones who respect you and support you. He who understands you. Don't make a mistake by confusing a guy who just want to take advantage of you.
How to know if he's sincere or just wanted something from you? - Ask his friends and family. If that man is serious that he wanted you, he will talk to them about you. Ask them if he can be trusted and observe how he treated them. Is he a good brother? A good son?
The main point here is to ask. Do not assume. NEVER assume. A guy who respects you will tell you the truth.
But if you have a hard time trying to find a partner, I suggest you to follow the next step.
4) Seek help from others
It can be your parents, your friends, and even your siblings. But make sure the person you are seeking help from is someone trustworthy, someone who wanted the best for you.
This method is mainly used by people from a religious background, or someone who wanted to preserve their first love for their partner. It is therefore the safest and most recommended ways to find your true love.
The reason is because you have already set up your mind and heart to get married. You are ready. So the third person who knows you are ready will match you with another person who is ready as well. A few meetings will be held to get to know each other and talk about their wishes, views and hope from their partner. Thus, if both party are satisfied with each other, they can proceed to the next step.
Nowadays, it is quite rare for this method to be used but I've met a few who still follow this tradition.
5) Pleasing to the eye
Girls, you need to know that guys like pretty women. This is an additional bonus if you have a pretty face. But if you don't, then make it up with something else.
Be clean and appealing, smell nice, wear pretty clothes, entice him with your personality. If you don't know how to cook, its okay. But you have to be tidy. Have basic hygiene care like shower, brush your teeth, wash your hands with soap after you use the toilet.
You don't want to be seen as disgusting by your future husband and in-laws, right?
And last but not least
6) Pray
Pray to God that one day, you will be gifted with a kind man who can guide you and your future family towards the right path. Pray that you will find one responsible enough to sacrifice himself for the sake of his family.
Don't blame destiny for not finding a partner in the future, but blame yourself for not trying. Its not that Allah does not want to give it to you, but you yourself who don't even want to try.
If you have tried but failed before, do not give up. It could be that the person you choose is not the right person for you. Allah knows best.
Trust me, someone out there will appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated.
some people give up and berserah. if ada jodoh, kahwin. if not, work and try to be happy.
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