Guy A wanted to propose to me but I like Guy B

I received a text message from my friend that told me about her conflicted situation where she was met with unresolved confusion.

“Guy A wants told my mom that he wanted to ‘masuk minang’ after he graduated this year but he didn’t say anything to me. I know this because my mom told me about it. At the same time, I had a crush with this one guy (Guy B). Unfortunately, Guy B is not into marriage.”

I just smiled. The answer is so obvious but most people cannot see it. I’m sure you readers had experience this situation once in your life. Even if it doesn’t happen to you, it must’ve happened to your friend or someone close to you.

Both seemed compatible. Both seemed like the right choice. I always hear many quotes like

“If you like another guy while dating, go for the other one. Because if you love the ones you’re dating, you wouldn’t fall in love with another”

Okay now hold it right there. That is a HUGE flaw many people make. One of their biggest mistakes.

Lucky for my friend, she had me. So, the advice I gave her is from the psychological understanding and reality.

If you like a person, the first you need to do is get to know him/ or her.

Well that is expected right? Obviously if we want to settle down with a partner, we have to at least consider who are we marrying with. You wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life marrying an abuser or a drunkard.

You cannot ask yourself ‘which one you like the most’. Instead, ask yourself ‘how well do you know him'.

Get to know him both directly and indirectly. 

What I meant by this is that you need to get to know him from your views, as well as his friends and circles. Ask his friend what type of person is he.

How is his attitude towards his mother, his father, siblings? Does he cook? Did he know how to do the laundry? Is he tidy, or messy? Did he know basic hygiene? How often did he shower?

Other than personalities, get to know his views for the future. And I’m not talking about kids (though that too must be taken into consideration), you need to know what his goals in life are. Is he content with living a simple life, like all other people? Or did he have any big dreams? What are his political views? His ideas and belief. Is he a leftist or a rightist?

Trust me. You will WANT to know all these. Make sure he’s compatible with you and you can talk about anything to him. As the Malay say, “Cari yang sebulu”

You need to also know how reliable and responsible he is. Someone you can trust to take care of you and your future child in the future, for the rest of his life.

Observe his attitude towards children, animals, the gardener, the garbage collector, the waiter. If he can treat those below him well, then I’m sure he can treat you right.

Getting texts everyday asking how you’re doing, have you eaten enough and all that is NOT reliable. Please make it clear.

Think with your brain, your intellect. Not your emotion. Your emotion does not matter 10 years later. It's your choice that mattered.